No
by Moonchild10
Summary: A character reflects. It may not be who you think it is. Do not flame! Grr. I really want caffeine.


Disclaimer: yeah  
  
This entire thing is one character talking, plus some narrative. Don't get confused, there is only one character talking in this story. It's confusing.  
  
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The car stopped on the edge of the cliff overlooking the dark city, and the door opened. A thin figure stepped out and climbed onto the hood of the car. Oh, how this cliff brought back painful memories. Memories this person would have given anything to forget.  
  
"Peaceful. It's really peaceful. I never really thought of it that way. But I'm alone, for god's sake. And this bothers me why? I'm a little lonely. How long has it been since I shut myself out emotionally from people again?.six weeks, seven weeks, two weeks? I don't remember. Was it a good decision or a terrible one? I don't know. I haven't been hurt ever since I did this, so it's got to be a good thing. It's a little depressing being cold, but it's worth it. I'm finally going to forget what happened that night. Honestly, how could it have happened? I don't know. Things were going so well. Better than they usually do anyway, as far as dates. Why did it have to fall apart? I guess it's just me. It's my fault. I did it all.  
  
It's me, I just know it.  
  
Why couldn't it just have been a breakup? Why an attempted murder? It's all my fucking fault. If I hadn't been so...I don't know. But If I haven't THOUGHT nothing would have happened. That snap leading to the murder attempt would never have happened. Who am I to think about anything? I don't deserve it.  
  
I don't deserve love. Well, it's not love anymore. NOW it's hate. We can't go back now. A mutual hatred. I can't disrupt that. I don't even know if I want to. I don't deserve- I don't deserve anything.  
  
God, the city looks beautiful tonight. If only I wasn't alone. It really IS an amazing illusion. You can't even tell how much hurting and hatred goes on down there. All the pain. And I'm a part of it. Why does it have to be me? Why couldn't I just have died for good when I had the chance. I am so stupid. Oh, this confusion.  
  
Nothing feels right anymore. Nothing is right I suppose. Even since that date, nothing's been right with me. All these disruptions from normal life. Or whatever normal ever was for me anyway. How normal could I have been? I don't even remember how it was.  
  
I'm losing it. Completely. What's my fucking problem anyway? Everything that happened that night was entirely my fault. If I hadn't attempted THAT..that.that terrible thing, nothing would have happened." the words came slowly out of the parted lips as the depression dulled eyes surveyed the scene cast beneath. A tear escape the left eye and rolled down the pale cheek, made a trail in the slight red smudge across the skin. "I am such a piece of shit." the head dropped between the knees for a moment, a thin hand running roughly over the lately disheveled hair.  
  
The eyes once more darted to the scene of the city below, and then scanned the city before coming to rest on a particular building, staring through a window. "I'm sorry," was quiet and shaky, from trembling lips. "I'm so damn sorry." the plea went unheard. "So maybe it's not my fault.entirely. But it is somewhat and...I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I think I still love you. And you don't even know how hard I've tried to forget you." the words were directed in the direction of the building's window, where a figure could be seen moving behind it. "But you can't hear me. You're not here. So I know you don't know I'm sorry," the voice was low and gentle, the and lips turned slightly upward in a tiny smile. "It's strange how it's you I still love." almost amused with that.  
  
The figure straightened up and walked toward the edge of the cliff, boots making light thudding sounds on the ground, eyes still fixed on the window. Lips still cast into a slight smile, she reached the edge of the cliff and stopped. She smiled at the figure behind the window. "I'm sorry Johnny," she whispered to herself.  
  
And then Devi closed her eyes and tumbled forward, embraced by the air that was rushing past her body. Falling for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
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This may be over and it may have one more chapter or so. We'll see. This story is so STUPID! I just realized that. Please don't flame or I'll eat your head. We can all have some sucky writing here and there. Plus I'm a little bit rusty. 


End file.
